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 Like a modern day Diogenes.

Cat Physics

  1. Law of Cat Inertia
  2. A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

  3. Law of Cat Motion
  4. A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

  5. Law of Cat Magnetism
  6. All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

  7. Law of Cat Thermodynamics
  8. Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

  9. Law of Cat Stretching
  10. A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

  11. Law of Cat Sleeping
  12. All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

  13. Law of Cat Elongation
  14. A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

  15. Law of Cat Acceleration
  16. A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

  17. Law of Dinner Table Attendance
  18. Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

  19. Law of Rug Configuration
  20. No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

  21. Law of Obedience Resistance
  22. A cats resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

  23. First Law of Energy Conservation
  24. Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

  25. Second Law of Energy Conservation
  26. Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

  27. Law of Refrigerator Observation
  28. If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

  29. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
  30. Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

  31. Law of Random Comfort Seeking
  32. A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

  33. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
  34. All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

  35. Law of Cat Embarrassment
  36. A cats irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

  37. Law of Milk Consumption
  38. A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

  39. Law of Furniture Replacement
  40. A cats desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

  41. Law of Cat Landing
  42. A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

  43. Law of Fluid Displacement
  44. A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

  45. Law of Cat Disinterest
  46. A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

  47. Law of Pill Rejection
  48. Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

  49. Law of Cat Composition
  50. A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter.

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Copyright © 1998-2006 Phillip Riley

Last Updated Sat Aug 11, 2007