BAHA'I: Shit happens to everyone equally.
KRISHNA: Shit happens, shit happens, happens, happens, shit, shit.
VEDANTA: Shit happening is an illusion.
MORMON: 10% of my shit belongs to God.
CELTIC FOLKLORE: At the end of every rainbow is a pot of shit.
EARLY EGYPTIAN: Shit happens, the world is a microcosm of the universe; therefore, the universe is shit.
SCIENTOLOGY: Shit can happen to you too.
TRANSACTIONAL ANALYST: I acknowledge my shit, and it's ok.
ATHEISM: Shit happens, therefore, there is no God.
AGNOSTICISM: Shit may or may not happen.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: It's not shit, and it's not happening.
SOLOPSISM: If there is no shit, it doesn't happen.
EXISTENTIALISM: So shit happens.
DECONSTRUCTIONALISM: What makes you think that's shit?
OPTIMISM: That's the best damn shit that ever happened.
PESSIMISM: It's all shit.
SHAMANISM: Shit is a fertilizer.
POLLYANNA: Where there is shit, there is life.
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.
SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
FUNDAMENTALISM: Born-again shit.
NEW AGE: If shit happens, honor and share it.
ORAL ROBERTS: Send me money or shit will happen.
RICHARD NIXON: I am not shit.
RONALD REAGAN: I don't recall shit happening.
HEISENBERG: Shit may happen and it may not.
CLARENCE THOMAS: Shit happened to me once, but I express regret.
DECARTES:1. Shit happens, therefore I am.
2. I am, therefore shit happens.
3. Cogito ergo defecato.
AA: Deal with shit one day at a time.
POLITICALLY CORRECTIONALISM: Defecated matter occurs.
N.O.R.M.L: Like gee, have ever looked really closely at a shit?
NAT'L RIFLE ASS'N: Shit doesn't happen, people do.
DIANETICS: Why does shit happen? See page 157 in Dianetics.
SHAKESPERE: To 'pu' or not to 'pu', that is the question.
Copyright © 1998-2006 Phillip Riley
Last Updated Sat Aug 11, 2007